On Friday, December 3, 2010, I took all three of my beloved children to their schools. Lexie went to her high school where she feels so comfortable. She had asked me to let her use time that morning to catch up on her homework, and I said "OK" so she was the last to go to school. Arianne and I had been fighting on and off for months, and unfortunately that morining was no different. A little ways before the school, she reached out and held my hand with hers, a small, but very welcome gesture to let me know that she loved me, even though I was being a bit of a jerk. I rushed to get her into the locked door, and didn't even get a chance to hug her goodbye, or look into her eyes and tell her "I love you."   I dropped Zachary off as usual, at a school he wasn't even enrolled in, with a packed lunch, a special note, and a big smile as I said: "Learn everything they teach you, make lots of friends, and have fun!".

        The next week I prepared for their return with love and anticipation. I had stocked the kitchen with ALL of their favorite foods, even a giant, triple sized Monster with a funny screw top for Lexie. I had gotten a video delivered for Zack - the first Hero Factory; I had bought all new colors of Christmas lights at Arianne's request, and was looking forward to putting up the lights with all 3 children. I had a really cool set of 3 Ginger Bread House Kits ready for them, Fireworks to celebrate their return, and even prepared the garden soil to plant carnations, as promised to my girls. I had not seen them since the prior Friday morning, and this was to be our "long" (3 1/2 day) weekend together. I was sooo ready to receive them and have a great time!

        But I never saw them.

O                               I Miss You!. . . .ur Criteria for investing:

YOU!!!! ALL of you

I miss your faces, your voices, your different personalities - I just miss being with you, being your DAD

I miss being able to look into your eyes and telling you how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I miss hugging you, and kissing you on the tops of your fuzzy little heads. And the times we have:

I Miss EVERYTHING about each of YOU!I love each of you! So Why is this happening?


          Link to: All of us having fun on the trampoline

          Link to: Our Albumn

          Link to: Us !

          Link to: Ari 1

          Link to: Arianne in the Nutcracker 2010

          Link to: Arianne in the Nutcracker 2011

          Link to: At the base of Multnomah Falls

          Link to: A tired cousin Dominick says "hi!"

          Link to: Lex 1

UPDATE 7/30/11:

Just a little bit about what's been happening at our home since December. As you remember, our Rhus Lancia tree was struck by lightning and split down the middle. I hired your cousin Steve to pull it out, and in its place I planted this tall, skinny Pepper Tree. The trampoline was also fried so I took it out and planted grass, in the hope that you would soon return home and roll around in it! It is a hypo-allergenic "tiff green" grass like you see on golf courses on TV. Last Saturday, your cousin Dominick came to town to sign autographs, and I had him sign a photo for Lexie. In March, your uncle Jimmy had a stroke, and had to have surgery. He is back at work but that is about all he can do. In April, your grandma Jacobs had a stroke also and she was in the hospital for a month. She has had to relearn her speech, and walking is very difficult. Needless to say, beacuse of what's happened to our family, I am needed to care for your grandma and grandpa, and I go there twice a week to help out. You grandma can't drive because everyday she wakes up dizzy and it lasts all day. Your new cousin (inlaw) Brittany now works at St. Joseph's Hospital and other hospitals as a visiting nutritionist, and she came to visit your grandma often. Grandma, Grandpa, and Jimmy all miss you and want to see you again. Our garden is growing again, and Lexie's roses actually bloomed this spring! I'm talking about the tiny roses we had kept in your bathroom, which we then planted in the garden, thinking they were probably dead. Desiree's old house on Destino burnt down! and teams of people have been fixing it ever since.

I can't even begin to tell you how trying this ordeal has been for me. I am your Daddy, that is how I have seen myself from the day each of you was born. To not be your daddy hurts beyond belief. One minute, I am signing Arianne up for the Nutcracker Ballet, and talking to Lexie about what kind of car she wants to drive when she reaches 16. The very next minute, I am nothing, I can't even give my own children pictures of me. Why? What have I done to strip me of my life as your DAD? I can't love you - I am not allowed. I can't talk to you, your mom makes sure of that. What do I do? I miss you all so terribly. Not having you here with me hurts very deeply, to the very core of my soul. This is not God's will.

Below are some pictures just to keep you up to date.















Update 8/2/11.


I haven't used the pool all summer. There is beautiful lightning all around, but I won't go up on the roof to look at it. Nothing is fun anymore without my children. It's back to school time and there are kids everywhere in the stores. How I wish I could take you shopping for school supplies! Remember last year? We found those notebooks with neat christian sayings on them at WalMart, of all places! That was cool. Life does not mean what it used to, if I can't be my kids' dad.

9/19/11: Below are some pictures of things I see everyday, things that are just little symbols of our love for one another, and our life here at home together. I see them everyday, and they break my heart as constant reminders of the absence of my children, the most important part of my life. How many more adventures are we going to miss experiencing together? How many more birthdays, Easters, and Christmases? How many more days- or even YEARS - will we not be able to see each other face to face, and know how important we are to one another? How long will I be prevented from helping my precious daughters in all things in their lives? How long will it be before I can look into their eyes and tell them how much I love them?

I wonder if Arianne and Lexie remember where these are from:



Or where we were, and what we were doing when we found these?


        Who's little gold Panda from China is this??                   and who was (maybe still is?) crazy about fairies?


Just simple, everyday things that make me think of them, everyday. . . . .





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I miss you Lexie, and you Arianne, and you Zachary

I love you Lexie, I love you Arianne, I love you Zachary. Please, keep praying. ~Dad